I've always known that I was quirky and never truly fitting in the "popular crowd" (whatever the heck that means) throughout grade school and high school.
I was one of the few little girls who felt I had a sense of self from very early on.
I fought my friends over me wanting to be the bad-ass and not the damsel in distress.
I knew what I like and who I was, quirky, misfit, completely interested in TMNT, RoboCop, Transformers, Batman, etc, etc.
I wish I could say I look back with fondness my elementary years, but like so many of us (who have been labeled Geeks/Nerds at this point by our peers) these years were torturous.
Being pushed, teased wasn't a very pleasant experience.
I truly felt out of place.
By the last years in elementary school I was suffering through the most severe form of bullying, being shoved, hit, slapped by my peers just because I couldn't associate with the "in" programs of the 90s, and for liking Star Trek TNG, Star Wars, X Files.
How dare I not be into the popular shows? How dare I be unique?!
But that was only partially a problem.
I had a serious identity crisis, and it didn't come from my peers, but from my own Mom, who is the polar opposite of what I am.
She was the "girly" type. Feminine, who didn't have a problem wearing skirts, pink and make up.
I was quite frankly repulsed by all these things. I truly believed that because I was tortured in school by these feminine popular girls, I couldn't be like them. NEVER!!!!
I would never succumb to these superficial people (since I erroneously equated femininity with superficiality).
From then on, I had set my mind for wanting to find someone who valued me for ME.
For the person I was on the inside and not for what I was wearing/or not wearing.
For the rest of my high school-college years, I went through various phases, Semi-goth, punk, dark... all these crazy outfits that screamed, I take myself TOO seriously, so should you take me in this light.
I failed to realize that it was the wrong way to send out this message.
At one point, my very conservative mother (on our way to Church, mind you) asked me flat out if I was a lesbian, since I didn't have a boyfriend or even seemed interested in the opposite sex. It was truly an laugh out loud moment for me.
I have nothing against gay/lesbian/bi people, I have many friends who belong to that community.
But it seemed ridiculous to me for her to ask me this. But I also realized that she knew me very little and worse of all, had no interest in truly getting to know me.
Throughout the years, I went through many phases... trying to find my identity, until I ran into a person who changed me, and not for the better I might add.
This person changed me for the worse, changed me in his own image of what a "woman" should be.
A complete misogynist who could only value a woman by her worth as a "feminine, pink wearing, kitchen, cleaning" woman.
When it finally DAWNED on me and I had had enough, I basically got served a nice, fresh piece of humble pie and basically had to rebuild and reconstruct.
But, as painful as this was, I was motivated, and for the first time I began to find that lost little girl, who fought for playing Donatello or Shredder with her little boy friends who wanted to typecast her in the role of April O' Neal (no offense to April!)
And I had a bigger motivation now more than ever, I was a mom to a beautiful little girl.
A little girl who unfortunately will go throughout life having her role defined by her gender.
I finally met a good man, who unbelievably, was just like me, quirky, odd and nerdy/geeky!!!
He valued me for ME, for my thoughts, for my WORTH as a person and not for my exterior.
Have I completely found myself?! I will be honest, I don't think so, but, I finally have found a balance in being a Geek and being feminine all at the same time.
I guess many Geeky/Nerdy girls feel that you can't be both at the same time. And we are specially portrayed as such in tv., movies, cartoons, etc.
Those awkward, un-kept, a few extra pound girls who are not appealing to anyone.
Why are we portrayed like this? and most importantly, why are we letting people define us?
I have learned that it's ok to be feminine and at the same time be Geeky and convey my importance as a human being with dignity.
I'm still opinionated, smart, thoughtful and caring, but now that I am reaching the ripe old age of 30 (just kidding, about the ripe old comment, lol) I understand that looks should not be ALL important, but it also helps when one is kept, clean, presentable in order to convey a sense of engagement with anyone.
Be engaging, be feminine, and lure them in with it, and then finish it with a outstanding conversation about whatever you have knowledge of!!
Let others know that not only behind that pretty face, there is more to you, and that your interior is far more important.
Think about it like this:
Your exterior, is only an added bonus to that marvelous personality and intelligence you posses.
Now some of you may be asking "what if I'm completely not OK with being feminine?" It doesn't matter, find that inner strength in however you want to present to the world, and love yourself. Be ok, with you, remember that little girl when you were growing up, with those ideals, convictions and remind yourself that You are the only one that can define YOU.
The role that you want to take in the world, in your personal life, and know that if it may not be OK with everyone else, but it is OK with you. And be happy!
Celebrate your Geekdom/Nerdom, celebrate that you belong to a community filled with unique, quirky, smart individuals who share your love of fandoms, anime, sci-fi, fantasy, science, diy's.
But most importantly we women who contribute (whether through social medias, celebrities, or obscure unknowns, like myself) and represent our community with pride and let our future generations of those unique, quirky girls who look up to us (daughters, sisters, nieces) let them know that it is o.k. to be yourself and be o.k. WITH yourself.
All right reserved for DC, Hanna Barbera, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Nickelodeon, logos, characters & affiliates.
I was one of the few little girls who felt I had a sense of self from very early on.
I fought my friends over me wanting to be the bad-ass and not the damsel in distress.
I knew what I like and who I was, quirky, misfit, completely interested in TMNT, RoboCop, Transformers, Batman, etc, etc.
I wish I could say I look back with fondness my elementary years, but like so many of us (who have been labeled Geeks/Nerds at this point by our peers) these years were torturous.
Being pushed, teased wasn't a very pleasant experience.
I truly felt out of place.
By the last years in elementary school I was suffering through the most severe form of bullying, being shoved, hit, slapped by my peers just because I couldn't associate with the "in" programs of the 90s, and for liking Star Trek TNG, Star Wars, X Files.
How dare I not be into the popular shows? How dare I be unique?!
But that was only partially a problem.
I had a serious identity crisis, and it didn't come from my peers, but from my own Mom, who is the polar opposite of what I am.
She was the "girly" type. Feminine, who didn't have a problem wearing skirts, pink and make up.
I was quite frankly repulsed by all these things. I truly believed that because I was tortured in school by these feminine popular girls, I couldn't be like them. NEVER!!!!
I would never succumb to these superficial people (since I erroneously equated femininity with superficiality).
From then on, I had set my mind for wanting to find someone who valued me for ME.
For the person I was on the inside and not for what I was wearing/or not wearing.
For the rest of my high school-college years, I went through various phases, Semi-goth, punk, dark... all these crazy outfits that screamed, I take myself TOO seriously, so should you take me in this light.
I failed to realize that it was the wrong way to send out this message.
At one point, my very conservative mother (on our way to Church, mind you) asked me flat out if I was a lesbian, since I didn't have a boyfriend or even seemed interested in the opposite sex. It was truly an laugh out loud moment for me.
I have nothing against gay/lesbian/bi people, I have many friends who belong to that community.
But it seemed ridiculous to me for her to ask me this. But I also realized that she knew me very little and worse of all, had no interest in truly getting to know me.
Throughout the years, I went through many phases... trying to find my identity, until I ran into a person who changed me, and not for the better I might add.
This person changed me for the worse, changed me in his own image of what a "woman" should be.
A complete misogynist who could only value a woman by her worth as a "feminine, pink wearing, kitchen, cleaning" woman.
When it finally DAWNED on me and I had had enough, I basically got served a nice, fresh piece of humble pie and basically had to rebuild and reconstruct.
But, as painful as this was, I was motivated, and for the first time I began to find that lost little girl, who fought for playing Donatello or Shredder with her little boy friends who wanted to typecast her in the role of April O' Neal (no offense to April!)
And I had a bigger motivation now more than ever, I was a mom to a beautiful little girl.
A little girl who unfortunately will go throughout life having her role defined by her gender.
I finally met a good man, who unbelievably, was just like me, quirky, odd and nerdy/geeky!!!
He valued me for ME, for my thoughts, for my WORTH as a person and not for my exterior.
Have I completely found myself?! I will be honest, I don't think so, but, I finally have found a balance in being a Geek and being feminine all at the same time.
I guess many Geeky/Nerdy girls feel that you can't be both at the same time. And we are specially portrayed as such in tv., movies, cartoons, etc.
Those awkward, un-kept, a few extra pound girls who are not appealing to anyone.
Why are we portrayed like this? and most importantly, why are we letting people define us?
I have learned that it's ok to be feminine and at the same time be Geeky and convey my importance as a human being with dignity.
I'm still opinionated, smart, thoughtful and caring, but now that I am reaching the ripe old age of 30 (just kidding, about the ripe old comment, lol) I understand that looks should not be ALL important, but it also helps when one is kept, clean, presentable in order to convey a sense of engagement with anyone.
Be engaging, be feminine, and lure them in with it, and then finish it with a outstanding conversation about whatever you have knowledge of!!
Let others know that not only behind that pretty face, there is more to you, and that your interior is far more important.
Think about it like this:
Your exterior, is only an added bonus to that marvelous personality and intelligence you posses.
Now some of you may be asking "what if I'm completely not OK with being feminine?" It doesn't matter, find that inner strength in however you want to present to the world, and love yourself. Be ok, with you, remember that little girl when you were growing up, with those ideals, convictions and remind yourself that You are the only one that can define YOU.
The role that you want to take in the world, in your personal life, and know that if it may not be OK with everyone else, but it is OK with you. And be happy!
Celebrate your Geekdom/Nerdom, celebrate that you belong to a community filled with unique, quirky, smart individuals who share your love of fandoms, anime, sci-fi, fantasy, science, diy's.
But most importantly we women who contribute (whether through social medias, celebrities, or obscure unknowns, like myself) and represent our community with pride and let our future generations of those unique, quirky girls who look up to us (daughters, sisters, nieces) let them know that it is o.k. to be yourself and be o.k. WITH yourself.
All right reserved for DC, Hanna Barbera, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Nickelodeon, logos, characters & affiliates.
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